Chemotherapy

                                                                  The dreaded Chemo   

 

Chemo was always my biggest nightmare. I thought I had a good idea of how awful it could be. I didn't want to have it and I told my Doctors that I wouldn't have it. My Surgeon told me before my surgery that I would only have chemo if they didn't remove all of the cancer. He told me he was referring me to an Oncologist only to be put on Tamoxifen because they had removed all of the cancer during surgery and my lymph nodes were clear.

However, on my first visit to my Oncologist she wanted me to have chemo and radiation plus tamoxifen due mostly to my family history, my age and also because my cancer was a Grade 2. She explained in detail the benefits of having chemo. Having Chemo boosted my chances of my cancer not returning by 1% but combined with all the treatment it was a combined 5%. My Oncologist was great, she explained everything to me and allowed me to make my own decision. Having Chemo added to my other treatment was only a precautionary measure. I was cancer free and chemo was an option, it wasn't a necessity for me. My Husband wanted me to have chemo , he kept telling me to do it and I understand why. So, on my first visit to my Oncologist I told her my concerns about having chemo.

1. That I was concerned about how it would affect my daughter, who was only 5 and had been through so much already. I was worried about how she would cope when she saw me so sick and she saw my hair falling out.

2. I admitted that I was scared of chemo and what it can do , I saw my sister go through it and it was nasty.

My Doctor explained that Chemo was different now compared to when my sister had it. That there would be a team looking after me every step and that there was medication to help stop the nausea. She wanted me to have 5 cycles, 4 weeks apart. On my first visit to my Oncologist I eventually agreed to having chemo. I was so scared and nervous but I felt that I had no choice, I had to take the best option, I had to make sure that I did everything I could to stop it coming back - ever. My Oncologist could see how undecided I was I suppose, so she gave me a week to think about it. She was wonderful and she understood my reasons and why I was undecided.

I went home and fell apart , this was really the first time that the whole cancer thing had really affected me. I managed to get through the tests, the surgery, all the Doctor visits etc.. but finding out that the Doctor wanted me to have chemo when I didn't expect it, really shocked me. Chemo was my biggest fear.

For the next week I must have changed my mind 1000 times. It was such a hard decision for me. Because I had a choice and I wasn't having it to shrink a tumor or to eradicate my cancer. As far as anyone knew I was cancer free and that is the main reason why my decision was so difficult.

I returned to my Oncologist and told her I wouldn't be having chemo. We discussed all of my reasons including the fact that going through chemo only boosted my chances by 1%. She understood and was so supportive, which made me feel more confident. She agreed that my decision was harder because I am cancer free and chemo was only a precautionary measure for me. So, I left My Oncologist that day more relieved and stress free than I had felt all week. We made an appointment to see the Radiotherapy Oncologist so that I could begin Radiotherapy.

But, I still had an appointment coming up to see my surgeon and that visit changed everything again..

 I had my 6 weeks post-op appointment to see my surgeon. I was exhausted from all the worry about chemo and I had a lump of fluid ( seroma) in my breast. I was still very weak and just very down. I had no idea what was about to take place. Until this visit I had put so much trust in my surgeon and I really liked him, mostly because he always made me feel as though he cared.

My surgeon already knew that I was not having chemo and the minute I walked into his room he started on me, remembering that this same doctor is the one that told me I wouldn't be having chemo in the first place. I spent two hours in his room. He asked me my reasons for not having chemo and then went on to tell me that it was just "a cop out". It was the biggest, longest lecture I have ever had. He made me feel as if I would die if I didn't have chemo. He made me change my mind again and decide to have chemo because if I didn't then I wasn't giving myself the best chance. It was a total backflip on his part and I really even now don't  think most of what he said to me that day was neccessary.

 Then, I had to see my oncologist again to tell her I had changed my mind, yet again. I told her what had taken place with the surgeon. She was so kind and caring. She told me to give one cycle a try and if I didn't want to go back a second time then at least I had tried. So we made an appointment with the chemo nurse.

 The chemo nurse went through with me step by step all the details about the chemo I would be on and what to do at home. I was booked in for my first cycle of chemo on 19th April, 2013.

 My chemo was Docetaxel and Cyclophosphamide (tc) every 21 days x 4 times. I knew I would lose my hair on this chemo within the first couple of weeks . I have always had very long thick curly hair , so before starting chemo I went to my hairdresser and got a number 2 cut all over, just leaving a fringe and colouring it pink and purple for fun. It was easier that way and I would advise anyone about to have chemo to cut their hair, it makes for a much less stressful time when your hair starts to fall out. Another thing to be prepared for that I didn't know is that when I did start losing my hair, my head and scalp was itchy and painful, sometimes I used some cream on my scalp to relieve the pain and itch.

 I started chemo on 19th April, 2013. I had 2 drips and it took almost 4 hours before it was finished, because it has to be put through slowly. I took all my medication as prescribed . I felt fine for the first few days, and I remember saying I'm happy if this is as bad as it gets. I felt pretty good, a little tired and very little nausea. I had to stop my strong nausea medications after a few days and once I did stop those then the effects of chemo hit with a bang. I think I was hit with every side effect possible lol. By day 4 I had my first trip to Hospital Emergency. Although I was drinking loads of water I was dehydrated and nothing seemed to stop the diarrhoea and vomiting. I was eating very little due to the nausea that had hit and I couldn't stomach anything more than water. I didn't realise how sick I was getting until after I was put on the drip for fluids. The doctors wanted to keep me in but also gave me the option of going home, of course I chose to go home. After that the chemo nurse rang everyday to check on me but by day 7 I was back seeing my doctor in Hospital, having more blood tests and drips because again I was severely dehydrated and I just couldn't keep anything down .  This time I had 2 drips of fluid and gee I felt so good after that. Again, they wanted to keep me because my blood results also said I was neutropenic but being a Friday I would have just been stuck in a hospital room not even seeing my doctor, so again I was allowed to go home, but my family had to wear masks and I had to stay home.

 I continued checking my temperature, the nurses and doctors had told me how important it was for me to get to hospital quickly if my temperature ever went above 38, especially because my blood test had already shown that my white cell count was extremely low. By Saturday Night, day 8 of chemo, I went downhill fast, I hardly had the strength to stand. I checked my temperature and it was 39. My Husband called for an ambulance but before they arrived my temp. was already upto 43. I was freaking out and it took abit to calm me. The paramedics were here for a while, until they stabilised me, and one in particular told me how important it was to make sure I got antibiotics started very quickly once in Hospital. He told me not to wait more than one hour more and if I haven't got any by then to keep demanding I get them, so that is what we did.

  This time I had no choice but to stay in Hospital. I was febrile neutropenic. I was put into a special single room with the door closed around the clock and the temperature being carefully controlled. Anyone who entered the room had to wear gloves and a mask to protect me from any germs. I was there for 5 days, most of the time I slept , but many times I was so ill I couldn't make it back to bed from the bathroom and I had to call for help. My Temp. stayed between 40 - 43 for days even with the antibiotics being pumped into me. Several scans revealed that chemo also caused me to get colitis, which is why nothing would stop the diarrhoea.

By day 5 in hospital I was feeling better, I was desperate to get home to my daughter. I begged the doctors to let me go home and they agreed eventually but only if my neutrophils were above 1 , they came back 1.1 . , so I went home. I was sent home with lots of medication. It was 2 weeks before I started feeling better and stronger. I was due to have my second cycle of chemo but I told my doctors I wouldn't be having anymore. My Oncologist agreed that the chemo was too strong for my body to cope with. Her registrar rang and offered me a lower, less potent chemo but by then it was too late. There was no way I could possibly go through that again. One year on from chemo and I still have low white cells, my blood tests are up and down, but mostly down. I still have to be careful about catching anything